footagenotfound:

A couple of things:

1. This exists. And yes, I did just order a copy of it from Amazon, so you guys can look forward to a very important and very lengthy review of this thing.
2. Genre: Inspiring, Tearjerker. Okay, sure. Fine! Super even. But they totally left out “Unitentionally hilarious.” I hate when things aren’t categorized correctly.
3. I already wish this movie was a hip-hopera.
4. Isn’t BAG just a cutie? He is because Lifetime told me his is! Hooray!
5. Finding a baby on your step is totally a (surprise!) especially if you are a rocker…but not if you are a hair stylist. I hear that shit happens to those people all of the time.  Same with accountants.
6. Holy shit I hope BAG is singing and dancing in this movie. He has to be right? I hope he isn’t too much of a rocker because I love hip-hopper BAG and hearing him cover Pantera would be unfortunate for everyone involved.
7. Mom skips town, and Lifetime is just gleeful that dad is going to be the one dealing with diapers because men are the worst and they never do anything to help out with their progeny.
8. Feminism?

Another important archive from Mother Gussie’s life lessons.  If you get knocked up on a one night stand, stick the kid with the dad.

People think our beloved Lifetime movies are all crap and fluff. The above statement finally proves those judgmental bastards are wrong.

When a classical music critic becomes pregnant from a brief encounter with a country music star, she decides it is the perfect way for her infertile best friend, to have a baby.

I’m starting to doubt your credibility, Lifetime.  Am I really supposed to believe that that crazy chick from Melrose Place is really a classical music critic and professor?  I’m just waiting for her to throw the country singer/lover in the pool.

It’s hard to take the thugs in this Lifetime movie seriously when they say threats in Canadian accents-also when they talk about jumping someone on “37th and Willow.”  Willow, really?  You couldn’t come up with a more menacing street name?

(Source: www3.images.coolspotters.com)

Mother Gussie would have no life lesson for the new Lifetime movie, The Perfect Teacher, because it was so terrible. Katherine and I actually saw it back in 1993 when it was called The Crush, staring Alicia Silverstone and Cary Elwes.

Mother Gussie’s life-lesson from this recent Lifetime tv movie: Don’t become a prostitute so you can pay for your mortgage.

Ensemble cast consisting of Superman, Dr. Christmas Jones, and Lucille Bluth? What a strange Lifetime tv movie. Mother Gussie’s lesson: Don’t grow up to be a neurotic wedding planner.

divasonyce:

Tia and Tamera on the Wendy Williams Show

Christine’s favorites on that show that Joel McHale is always making fun of.  Note: we do not annoyingly finish each others sentences and talk over each other like these two.

Perhaps Mother Gussie was concerned for her safety at one point.  Instead of sitting us down to watch a movie where a man wronged a woman or raped her, she had us watch Twisted Desire, starring none other than Melissa Joan Hart.  Melissa played a teen so hell-bent on having freedom and big house to herself that she convinced her boyfriend to kill her parents for her and then denied any involvement in the murders.  Christine and I had no such “twisted desires,” but I’m sure that it relieved Mother Gussie’s fears to have us watch the film nonetheless.  This movie though is still one of my favorite made-for-TV flicks.  It’s truly a mystery why Lifetime never replays it.  I guess parents aren’t fearing for their lives anymore like they were in the ’90s.

(via libraryland)

I devoured Lois Duncan books in elementary and middle school.  They were my Babysitter’s Club.  Looking back, I’m not sure if it made me a little freaky that I preferred reading about murders and ESP to hair braiding and training bras.

In Stranger with My Face, two twins are separated at birth but reunited when one of them uses astral projection to reconnect with the other one.  Turns out the astral one is actually evil and attempting to steal the life of the good twin.  I like to think that Christine would be the astral one in our version of Stranger with My Face.  While I cowered under the covers scaring myself at night with these books, she was brave (or evil?) enough to take a chance on all of the Fear Street books.

Conveniently, Lifetime recently made a TV adaption of Stranger with My Face.  Life lessons from it:

1. Don’t befriend your long lost twin that comes to visit you via physcadellic modes of transportation. 
2. Take a chance on the handicap guy because the popular jock is just going to try and grope you.

Mother Gussie wouldn’t care for this Lifetime movie because it doesn’t involve prostitutes or mean popular girls. I imagine her life lesson would go something like this:

Drinking is fun but alcohol poisoning isn’t. 

Actually, she was far more concerned with ruffies than alcohol poisoning, so she’d probably twist the movie’s ending and blame Shanna’s death on ruffies and prostitution.

While my husband is away, I’ve been enjoying a Mother Gussie pastime, Lifetime movies.  Today I watched The Stranger Beside Me, starring none other than Kelly Kapowski.  While watching it, I thought, “What life lesson would Mother Gussie want me to take away from this fantastic dramatic portrayal?”

Well for starters, Kelly Kapowski marries this guy (who turns out to be a rapist) after less than six weeks.  I’m pretty sure that Mother Gussie wouldn’t approve of such fast nuptials.  Then again, she is a lesbian and you know them and their U-Haul quickness so maybe she would have approved.