footagenotfound:

A couple of things:

1. This exists. And yes, I did just order a copy of it from Amazon, so you guys can look forward to a very important and very lengthy review of this thing.
2. Genre: Inspiring, Tearjerker. Okay, sure. Fine! Super even. But they totally left out “Unitentionally hilarious.” I hate when things aren’t categorized correctly.
3. I already wish this movie was a hip-hopera.
4. Isn’t BAG just a cutie? He is because Lifetime told me his is! Hooray!
5. Finding a baby on your step is totally a (surprise!) especially if you are a rocker…but not if you are a hair stylist. I hear that shit happens to those people all of the time.  Same with accountants.
6. Holy shit I hope BAG is singing and dancing in this movie. He has to be right? I hope he isn’t too much of a rocker because I love hip-hopper BAG and hearing him cover Pantera would be unfortunate for everyone involved.
7. Mom skips town, and Lifetime is just gleeful that dad is going to be the one dealing with diapers because men are the worst and they never do anything to help out with their progeny.
8. Feminism?

Another important archive from Mother Gussie’s life lessons.  If you get knocked up on a one night stand, stick the kid with the dad.

itsjustsex:

My mom used these opening credits from Look Who’s Talking to explain to me where babies come from.

I’m not lying either. Mother Gussie really did turn this movie into one of her famous life lessons.

Mother Gussie would have no life lesson for the new Lifetime movie, The Perfect Teacher, because it was so terrible. Katherine and I actually saw it back in 1993 when it was called The Crush, staring Alicia Silverstone and Cary Elwes.

Mother Gussie’s life-lesson from this recent Lifetime tv movie: Don’t become a prostitute so you can pay for your mortgage.

Ensemble cast consisting of Superman, Dr. Christmas Jones, and Lucille Bluth? What a strange Lifetime tv movie. Mother Gussie’s lesson: Don’t grow up to be a neurotic wedding planner.

Perhaps Mother Gussie was concerned for her safety at one point.  Instead of sitting us down to watch a movie where a man wronged a woman or raped her, she had us watch Twisted Desire, starring none other than Melissa Joan Hart.  Melissa played a teen so hell-bent on having freedom and big house to herself that she convinced her boyfriend to kill her parents for her and then denied any involvement in the murders.  Christine and I had no such “twisted desires,” but I’m sure that it relieved Mother Gussie’s fears to have us watch the film nonetheless.  This movie though is still one of my favorite made-for-TV flicks.  It’s truly a mystery why Lifetime never replays it.  I guess parents aren’t fearing for their lives anymore like they were in the ’90s.

One evening when Christine and I were kids, Mother Gussie rented Look Who’s Talking.  After seeing the first scene, Mother Gussie had to explain to us where babies came from.  Movies are obviously the best source for her life lessons. 

There was also that other time where our male dog accidently fisted our female dog in an attempt to impregnate her.  She had to explain to us again where babies came from then too.  But that’s a story for another time…

(via libraryland)

I devoured Lois Duncan books in elementary and middle school.  They were my Babysitter’s Club.  Looking back, I’m not sure if it made me a little freaky that I preferred reading about murders and ESP to hair braiding and training bras.

In Stranger with My Face, two twins are separated at birth but reunited when one of them uses astral projection to reconnect with the other one.  Turns out the astral one is actually evil and attempting to steal the life of the good twin.  I like to think that Christine would be the astral one in our version of Stranger with My Face.  While I cowered under the covers scaring myself at night with these books, she was brave (or evil?) enough to take a chance on all of the Fear Street books.

Conveniently, Lifetime recently made a TV adaption of Stranger with My Face.  Life lessons from it:

1. Don’t befriend your long lost twin that comes to visit you via physcadellic modes of transportation. 
2. Take a chance on the handicap guy because the popular jock is just going to try and grope you.

liketheorange:

Remember when Pluto got totally wasted with the St. Bernard? Whatever keeps you from hypothermia, right, kids?!

Mother Gussie saved many food UPC codes to get us old Disney cartoons like these on video.  Surprisingly, she didn’t use them to point out any life lessons to us (i.e. if you get stuck out in the cold, just get smashed).

Mother Gussie only let us drink juice with artificial colors and flavors during the summertime. She would buy us the big-ass tub of red Kool-Aid mix, and we’d inject it in our veins. Once school rolled around again, it was back to milk cartons and Juicy Juice.

While my husband is away, I’ve been enjoying a Mother Gussie pastime, Lifetime movies.  Today I watched The Stranger Beside Me, starring none other than Kelly Kapowski.  While watching it, I thought, “What life lesson would Mother Gussie want me to take away from this fantastic dramatic portrayal?”

Well for starters, Kelly Kapowski marries this guy (who turns out to be a rapist) after less than six weeks.  I’m pretty sure that Mother Gussie wouldn’t approve of such fast nuptials.  Then again, she is a lesbian and you know them and their U-Haul quickness so maybe she would have approved.