Christine: It’s my boundary line.
Big Moms: You mean your starting line.
Big Mom’s charming response regarding the tattoo along my lower abdomen.
Never a dull remark
Deep Analysis
| Katherine: | are you there or is lady gaga waxing your eyebrows? |
| Christine: | i'm here |
| Katherine: | http://twinbinge.tumblr.com/post/470578192/doubletwinsies |
| Katherine: | creeptastic, chew on that for a while |
| Christine: | i've seen that photo before |
| Christine: | it gross |
| Katherine: | the soda can says present day or maybe 1990s, the clothes don't |
| Katherine: | it confuses me |
| Christine: | i'd say mid-90s |
| Katherine: | the outfits say mid-80s |
| Katherine: | i think those people have more problems than just their beverage choices and clothes though |
Class Acts
| Scene: | Husband and wife in a grocery store. |
| Katherine: | Do you want to get wine? This one's buy-one-get-one-free. |
| Jason: | Sure. |
| Katherine: | Oh, but it has a screw top. Maybe it won't be good. |
| Jason: | Like that's stopped you before. |
My One and Only Puppy Love
| Katherine: | do you think i can convince jason to go as a cooler and violet for next Halloween? |
| Katherine: | or you could go as violet and get someone to be cooler! |
| Christine: | good luck with that convincing |
| Christine: | maybe you could be cooler and he could be violet |
| Christine: | pound puppy movie cooler or tv show cooler? |
| Katherine: | what does it matter as long as you have the jacket-the jacket is key and ears |
| Katherine: | i know what jason will say, "no one will get it" |
Christine Squeals
| Christine: | read about winston http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/kitty_pride/ |
| Katherine: | winston's weird looking, his face is too squashed in |
| Christine: | but he's funny, he has a following on cuteoverload |
| Katherine: | i see |
| Katherine: | you love that site |
| Christine: | don't you? |
| Katherine: | i don't go on that site much |
| Katherine: | do people just send in pictures of their pets |
| Christine: | yes and i look at them and i squeal |
| Katherine: | did you ever send in a picture of your cat lilly or another pet? |
| Katherine: | angels sent from heaven series? |
| Christine: | no, i should |
| Christine: | lilly never did anything cute |
| Christine: | animals now are born with a cute gene for youtube and internet |
| Christine: | lilly was born before this evolution, but angels sent from heaven would work |
| Katherine: | you can take a picture of my dog stout and send it in, he's pretty cute |
| Christine: | you should submit a photo of wally. you live with him |
| Christine: | you have an easier chance of taking his photo than i do |
| Katherine: | yes, but i am not as good as taking pictures and thus will not be able to capture his cuteness as well |
| Katherine: | plus, his name isn't wally |
| Katherine: | i don't own an animal named wally |
Katherine is always thinking
| Katherine: | your haloween costume for next year: http://thesuperficial.com/2010/01/tila_tequila_really_wants_you.php?bfm_index=3&bfm_page=0 |
| Christine: | uh |
| Christine: | is this for real? |
| Christine: | she is so strange |
| Katherine: | yes, you will really go as that for haloween, stroller and all |
| Katherine: | it will be amazing |
| Christine: | but i'm not asian |
| Katherine: | clarissa then! |
| Katherine: | perfect, she can never come up with haloween costumes |
A pastry needs to be named after our dog
| Katherine: | alicia saw a pull apart brownie cake at publix called fudgie that cat |
| Christine: | like fudgie the whale from carvel! |
| Christine: | i'm going to make a fudgie the dog cake |
| Katherine: | i was just going to suggest that |
| Katherine: | for your show |
| Christine: | best dog ever |
| Katherine: | i know, he was pretty cool-he groomed cats for goodness sakes! |
There's an exception to every rule
| Christine: | I had a dream that you dated Nick Lachey in college, but then he dumped you. After you married the Hubs, he wanted you back, but you didn't want him. |
| Christine: | I also had a dream the Chesire Cat was raping Loerne Michaels from SNL. |
| Christine: | That's all. |
| Katherine: | I think your unconscious was getting back at Nick Lachey for never getting with me while he had the chance. He's my free pass, but he can only have my body for one night, such a loss for him. |
Don't Have Sex Because You Will Get Pregnant and Die
| Katherine: | while i was working earlier, i decided that if i have a kid you should be the one to talk to them about sex |
| Christine: | ok |
| Katherine: | my sex talk would be like the coach's in mean girls-not very informative and awkward |
| Christine: | what about jason? |
| Katherine: | so you can do it with your fancy education and props |
| Katherine: | maybe jason if he doesn't want to defer the duties to you |
| Katherine: | did i ever tell you about the time my friend had to give the sex talk to blind girls? she made props out of play-doh and brillo pads |
| Christine: | how creative of her |
Saliva displays of affection
| Katherine: | alicia's cat does sucky baby! |
| Christine: | i got your email - spit sweaters |
| Katherine: | well, he does it on a furry blanket, but he bites down! rita mae never bit |
| Christine: | like it's a teet? |
| Katherine: | they've been stopping him but i told him that it was a blessing and to be happy. i wish my cat sucky babied |
| Note to reader: | Sucky Baby refers to a cat who kneads and licks/nurses their owner while purring when they are in a pure state of bliss and happiness. It is probably the most sincere sign of cat-affection. |
Parenting practices
| Christine: | maybe we should just say that lifetime was our 2nd mother |
| Christine: | cause really, it shaped our values system |
| Katherine: | you mean 5th mom |
| Christine: | well, lifetime came about before the other mothers |
| Katherine: | and sad but true, she sure did like using those lifetime movies |
| Katherine: | yes |
| Christine: | who were the other 2 mothers besides the current 3? |
| Katherine: | oh, yeah, i miscounted |
| Katherine: | 4 parents, not 4 moms |
| Christine: | yes |
| Christine: | i don't consider the ex-gfs mothers |
| Christine: | i just think of them as crazy |
Medical advantages
| Christine: | you should scan more baby pictures of us. we were damn fine babies |
| Christine: | i think it's because we were born c-section |
| Christine: | gave us the perfect-shaped heads |
| Christine: | not like those conehead babies |
| Katherine: | i don't have any baby pictures |
Proclomations of Love
| Christine: | Did your sister in law get married? Is that why she changed her last name on Facebook? |
| Katherine: | Yes, she got married. It was a big white church wedding. I had to wear a hideously poofy bridesmaid gown, and Jason had to wear a tux with a pink tie. Or she's in high school and is convinced that she and her boyfriend are going to be together forever so she changed her name on Facebook because that's how teenagers declare their love nowadays. I remember when people just wrote their names on bathroom stalls. What ever happened to good old proclamations via vandalizing? |
| Christine: | [no response] |
| Katherine: | P.S. I'm old. |
A favorite tv movie
| Katherine: | yesterday on LMN, kevin arnold beat up and killed dj tanner. it was a sad day |
| Christine: | cory matthews should have come in and saved him from himself |
| Katherine: | kevin arnold and corey matthews aren't the same person silly plus corey matthews is way younger, he couldn't have stood up to kevin arnold |
| Christine: | no, cory could have saved kevin from himself |
| Katherine: | oh |
| Christine: | stopped him from beating dj when she wore knee socks |
| Katherine: | no, she just wore long skirts in this movie i think. i forgot the best part though! i didn't finish the movie but i remember that sally jessee was the judge at the end |
| Christine: | didn't he get mad when she wore knee socks and short skirt because he loves her legs? |
| Katherine: | powers of 90s tv combine! |
| Christine: | oh sally |
| Katherine: | like i said, i didn't finish it. she had to wear his wrestling pants |
| Christine: | no one would tell. no one |
Rosie O’Donnell, you reading this? We want to be your friend.
